A great bugbear of mine is the assumption that as an atheist I am out to 'convert' people of faith, or that I must hate them.
Quite the opposite, and I work hard to encourage tolerance and understanding with the girls. We are so lucky to live in a really multicultural part of town, with local Buddhist temple, Catholic churches, Baptist churches, Greek Orthodox.... the list goes on. With all this diversity, being respectful of faith is really important. We talk about other faiths, and when we see something obviously different - eg a lady in a headscarf - we discuss why they are wearing it, and if I'm not sure we turn to trusty google, or the library, to find some simple answers. I would never ever promote being rude or disrespectful towards someone else's personal expression of faith. Sometimes the girls reflect that the behaviour seems strange to them, for example when explaining why some friends don't eat pork or bacon, and I can agree, but then explain that it's a long held cultural tradition as well as a religious one.
My problem with religion is organised religion. So often steeped in power, money and misogyny, I find the edicts from "on high" difficult to stomach.
I completely understand the comfort people feel through their practice of faith. [to me it's a false comfort but that's not to say I don't understand it, and it's not up to me to force you to see that santa doesn't exist if you choose to believe he does]. I can also see the attraction of getting a premade list of answers that are unchanging to life's big questions. Why are we here? What made everything? Why do my actions matter? For me science and nature answer these questions while posing billions more in a delicious mirrored hall of reality. I find it dazzling and awe inspiring to gaze across the ocean, stare at the stars or contemplate a forest.
Anyway, I have no desire to change anyone's mind. I am genuinely happy for my kids to follow a faith when they grow up. I hope that whether they do or not, they will keep some of the lessons of empathy, questioning, tolerance and reasoning that I have tried to impart.
Sunday 24 February 2013
Ethics without religion
I've never understood the need for a supernatural "carrot and stick" approach to ethical behaviour. There is a clear and immediate payoff for acting decently: other people will tend to treat you decently.
For me, there are a lot of moral behaviours that are quite obvious and will allow you to function in society. These include being honest, fair, trustworthy & trying not to harm others with your actions.
It is commonly assumed that atheists or agnostics cannot be moral, without a religious background to guide them. However I really don't see how this stands up - if religion stopped existing tomorrow, would you really start killing and stealing? I know I don't!
I'm not saying atheists, or me, are perfect but I really don't think they are worse or less moral than the religious. There may be some evidence that religious believers actually commit more crime however as the linked article reinforces, this could be due to socio-economic and other factors. Still, there's certainly no suggestion that all humanists are at lawless orgies every night!
I volunteer, I donate to charity, I try to be a helpful & productive member of society... all because it enriches and adds meaning to my life, not because of some promise of eternal salvation (or threat of eternal damnation).
With children, I think it's really important to lead by example, so I take time to encourage their empathy. One example is asking them to use a small amount of their saved pocket money to donate a gift at Christmas time to go under the Wishing Tree at kmart. [Christmas! Yes ok it's technically religious but for us (and many many religious people for that matter!) it's a time to celebrate the year, join in a cultural tradition and spend some great time with family and friends. And anyway, why not pick & choose the lovely things to do - it's really an old midwinter festival anyway :-) ]
In our home, we value honesty and fairness and strive for these goals.
It's definitely a topic I want to explore further, I'd love your input if you have an opinion.
For me, there are a lot of moral behaviours that are quite obvious and will allow you to function in society. These include being honest, fair, trustworthy & trying not to harm others with your actions.
It is commonly assumed that atheists or agnostics cannot be moral, without a religious background to guide them. However I really don't see how this stands up - if religion stopped existing tomorrow, would you really start killing and stealing? I know I don't!
I'm not saying atheists, or me, are perfect but I really don't think they are worse or less moral than the religious. There may be some evidence that religious believers actually commit more crime however as the linked article reinforces, this could be due to socio-economic and other factors. Still, there's certainly no suggestion that all humanists are at lawless orgies every night!
I volunteer, I donate to charity, I try to be a helpful & productive member of society... all because it enriches and adds meaning to my life, not because of some promise of eternal salvation (or threat of eternal damnation).
With children, I think it's really important to lead by example, so I take time to encourage their empathy. One example is asking them to use a small amount of their saved pocket money to donate a gift at Christmas time to go under the Wishing Tree at kmart. [Christmas! Yes ok it's technically religious but for us (and many many religious people for that matter!) it's a time to celebrate the year, join in a cultural tradition and spend some great time with family and friends. And anyway, why not pick & choose the lovely things to do - it's really an old midwinter festival anyway :-) ]
In our home, we value honesty and fairness and strive for these goals.
It's definitely a topic I want to explore further, I'd love your input if you have an opinion.
A blank page
Well, I'm starting on this blank page. I suppose it's apt, after all our children are a blank page at birth, waiting for our cues on everything from language to etiquette.
It seems daunting to begin this blog, but I do hope to find others to join me for a journey to positive parenting without religious dogma.
Personally, I find the idea of indoctrinating small children with myths to be uncomfortable at best. They lack the awareness to really decide for themselves the veracity of what they are told. In addition, they may take stories they are told very literally.
Sadly, we've found this to be the case, and my now 7 year old daughter has been bullied at school numerous times because she said she "doesn't believe in god". Of course, no 7 year old really knows what faith, or lack thereof, they may follow through their adult life, but it's her truth for now and we've taught our kids to have an open, accepting mind. This doesn't seem to have been reinforced to all the other kids, who I'm certain have heard cliches and platitudes from their well-meaning parents like "god loves you when you believe in him" and "if you're a good person you believe in god". Being small children, they naturally assume these statements work in reverse - the fact they don't may be as good a reason as any to doubt their truth - therefore have accused her of being "bad" and that "god doesn't love you".
My sweet, empathetic, clever daughter replied that they can believe that, it was fine, but she didn't agree. They argued and she returned home dejected and upset more than once. Luckily she attends a great local school with supportive teachers, who used the theme of "fairy tales" (which the kids were studying) to talk about different people with different beliefs. The teacher told me she was very surprised that when she asked "is it OK for someone to believe differently from you?" most of the class replied "no". I wasn't surprised - after all kids can really take things to heart. If we tell them "this is the truth" how on Earth can they comprehend that another "truth" can be acceptable?
So this is where I begin. A page no longer blank, but still daunting. I have many issues that I've been burning to discuss, I do hope that others may join the conversation.
It seems daunting to begin this blog, but I do hope to find others to join me for a journey to positive parenting without religious dogma.
Personally, I find the idea of indoctrinating small children with myths to be uncomfortable at best. They lack the awareness to really decide for themselves the veracity of what they are told. In addition, they may take stories they are told very literally.
Sadly, we've found this to be the case, and my now 7 year old daughter has been bullied at school numerous times because she said she "doesn't believe in god". Of course, no 7 year old really knows what faith, or lack thereof, they may follow through their adult life, but it's her truth for now and we've taught our kids to have an open, accepting mind. This doesn't seem to have been reinforced to all the other kids, who I'm certain have heard cliches and platitudes from their well-meaning parents like "god loves you when you believe in him" and "if you're a good person you believe in god". Being small children, they naturally assume these statements work in reverse - the fact they don't may be as good a reason as any to doubt their truth - therefore have accused her of being "bad" and that "god doesn't love you".
My sweet, empathetic, clever daughter replied that they can believe that, it was fine, but she didn't agree. They argued and she returned home dejected and upset more than once. Luckily she attends a great local school with supportive teachers, who used the theme of "fairy tales" (which the kids were studying) to talk about different people with different beliefs. The teacher told me she was very surprised that when she asked "is it OK for someone to believe differently from you?" most of the class replied "no". I wasn't surprised - after all kids can really take things to heart. If we tell them "this is the truth" how on Earth can they comprehend that another "truth" can be acceptable?
So this is where I begin. A page no longer blank, but still daunting. I have many issues that I've been burning to discuss, I do hope that others may join the conversation.
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